How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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