yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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