It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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