Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
