Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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