Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
