The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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