so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
