And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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