Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
