But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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