I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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