pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
