he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
