i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
