were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
