I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
