Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
