you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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