why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
