You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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