he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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