You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
