Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
