Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
