if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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