careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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