Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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