It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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