fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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