Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
