Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I deserve this hangover.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
