I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
