New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
