Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
