i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
