His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
