I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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