u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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