He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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