If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
