You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
