So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
