do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
