I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
