I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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