Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
