Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
