I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
