I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
