Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
