Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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